The Start of a Creative Journey

I started a creative habit one week ago on January 1, 2024.

Since initiating a daily exercise habit on July 2, 2022, I have become acutely aware of the power of habit to change my life. Despite this, sharing creative work, and even my life in general, is something I’ve struggled to do for over a decade. Lately I've experienced significant personal growth, and I am suddenly taking to heart what essayist Colin Marshall once said, that "compulsive avoidance of embarrassment is a form of suicide."

For years, I’ve felt that I’m not ready to do the creative things I want to do in my life, and definitely not out in the open where everyone can see. After a decade of avoidance though, I see the costs of my negative habits. I'm discovering that if I keep giving in to self doubt, I will never fully live. From about November, I started to set healthy boundaries and build my self esteem, and I finally feel ready to share myself. So, my big experiment has begun.

Compulsive avoidance of embarrassment is a form of suicide.
— Colin Marshall

One thing that held me back in the past was the fear of not knowing where this path will lead me. The more trust I build in myself, the more I understand that nearly anything I put genuine effort into will succeed. I can't anticipate the form that my creative work will take in the long run, but I can create a path that satisfies me by doing things I enjoy day after day and trying to do them well. These daily creative acts are an expression of a type of faith that is new to me. I’ve learned fear is not a path that leads to fulfillment, and I’m deciding to love and be grateful instead. For once in my life, I am relinquishing control, acknowledging fully that things are going to get messy. Fortunately, very few of you are watching.

This week, I started my creative journey with daily drawings. I completed a digital drawing every day last week and shared them on my Instagram and Facebook pages. I am doing what I can with the days that I have, finding time in the nooks and crannies.

In the past, I also missed the importance of attribution when sharing my work. In his book Show Your Work, Austin Kleon suggests that if we want people to understand what we post and our reasons for sharing, we should provide attribution, some context that helps the audience understand.

As I work on providing context and improving my storytelling abilities, I’m realizing that I have struggled to express myself online because, beyond fearing embarrassment, I have also become unclear over the years about where I stand in this world and who I am speaking to. After living in Taiwan for over five years, in many respects I have one foot in two different worlds. I have Taiwanese and other local friends who are familiar with Taiwanese life and culture, and I have friends and family in the US who want to follow my life here. Right now, I’m struggling to understand my audience and how to accommodate them. I don’t have an answer yet, but I trust that, by doing the work, I will figure it out.